Timing is impeccable. It amazes me that certain people walk into your life at just the right time. It saddens me that the same people are usually taking steps to begin a new chapter in their lives just as you begin to fall in love with everything they're about. You know this person is leaving so you try to make the most of it. You want to spend every second with him and embark on adventures no one has ever experienced. You want to make new memories that will last forever. You know his heart isn't fully there with you, yet you can't help but want to feel exactly what he's feeling. You want to see the world through his eyes. You want to create a friendship that is everlasting, and you hope for a relationship that defies all normalities. A rather special bond has been formed and you’re afraid to speak up because after spending such a short amount of time in each others arms you feel it may be foolish. Foolish? You may never see each other again! Foolish is not following your heart; not speaking up; not going with your gut instinct!
Always go with your gut instinct. Trust yourself.
Baby, my eyes are wide with curiosity. My thoughts are traveling to foreign places. My body’s experiencing things like never before.
Again, timing is impeccable.
"love of mine,
someday you will die.
but i'll be close behind,
i'll follow you into the dark.
Sometimes you have to let a person find themselves before they realize what they want. Even after finding their self they still may be clueless. Is not knowing where you want to end up really such a bad thing? I know I want to fall in love. I know the man I want next to me. I know I don't want an everyday routine life. I know I want to fall in love!! With the world. With friends. "son, fear is the heart of love." Stop wasting time being afraid. Yes, people always leave, but if it's meant to be something more they'll come back. The hardest part of all this is simply being patient and trusting time.
it's nothing to cry about cause we'll hold each other soon.
I can wait. cause you're the only song i want to hear.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
i don't feel the way i've ever felt
TIMELINE FOR PAIN AND RECOVERY
7/16/10- @ 1400 HST: WISDOM TEETH REMOVED
7/16/10- @ 2000 HST: JAW STILL NUMB
7/17/10- @ 0900 HST: WAKE UP & GET READY FOR WORK/LOTS OF BLOOD IN MOUTH/CHANGE GAUZE
7/17/10- @ EACH HOUR --> CHANGE GAUZE. LIVING ON SOUP.
7/17/10- @ 2100 HST: PAINFUL, BUT NOT UNBEARABLE
7/18/10- @ 0900 HST: WAKE UP & GET READY FOR WORK/SMALL KINE BLOOD/CHANGE GAUZE
7/18/10- @ EVERY 4 HRS --> TYLENOL 500MG FOR PAIN.
7/19/10- @ 1000 HST: WAKE UP, FEELING NAUSEOUS.
7/19/10- @ 1600 HST: FEELING LIKE SHIT AT WORK. TYLENOL NO LONGER HELPING.
7/19/10- @ 1930 HST: LEAVE WORK EARLY MAHALOS TO KWANZA FOR CLOSING.
7/19/10- @ 2000 HST: I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN STABBED ON BOTH SIDES OF MY JAW/TIME TO TAKE THE VICODIN.
7/19/10- @ 2115 HST: BEGIN THE PUKE FEST!
7/19/10- @ 2245 HST: STILL PUKING WITH A 103* FEVER. CAN'T EVEN SIP ON WATER AT THIS POINT WITHOUT IT COMING UP. STARTING TO FEEL WEAK.
7/19/10- @ 2330 HST: LOTS OF PUKE AND TEARS.
7/20/10- @ 1230 HST: TIME FOR A TRIP TO THE ER THANKS TO LAU.
7/20/10- @ 0115 HST: NURSE IS COOL. HE LOOKS LIKE SOME B-LIST CELEBRITY WHOSE NAME I CANNOT REMEMBER. DR COMES IN WITH THE WORLD'S BIGGEST NEEDLE AND DEFINITELY TELLS ME TO "OPEN WIDE." AND I DEFINITELY RESPONDED "AS IF!" I ASKED HIM TO TELL ME WHAT THE NEEDLE WAS FOR AND WHAT WAS IN IT. DOC SAYS "LISTEN, I HAVE MORE SICK PEOPLE TO ATTEND TO SO IF YOU WANT TO STOP SUFFERING YOU'LL OPEN WIDE." THANKS FOR NUMBING MY WHOLE FACE WHEN ALL I REALLY NEEDED WAS AN IV TO PUMP SOME FLUIDS BACK INTO MY SYSTEM AND SOMETHING TO HELP STOP THE VOMITING AND FEVER.
7/20/10- @ 1300 HST: BACK AT DENTIST. HE CLEANS THE HOLES OUT. PRESCRIBES STRONGER MEDS.
7/20/10- @ 1430 HST: TOOK IBUPROFEN. FEELING A LOT BETTER. BEACH TIME WITH DOGGIE.
7/21/10- @ 0400 HST: STABBED IN THE JAW AGAIN. AFRAID TO TAKE PERCOCET JUST YET. 2 IBUPROFEN. PLS DRUG LORD, HELP.
7/21/10- @ 1000 HST: OK. A LITTLE BIT BETTER.
7/21/10- @ 1400 HST: FEELING WEAK AGAIN. HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO EAT MUCH. TRYING TO STAY HYDRATED.
7/21/10- @ 1900 HST: PAIN IS MORE UNBEARABLE THAN MONDAY NIGHT. TIME FOR THE PERC-ULATOR. (SLEPT LIKE A BABY)
7/22/10- @ 0600 HST: PAIN STARTING TO COME BACK...TAKE AN IBUPROFEN.
7/22/10- @ 0800 HST: WHAT'S FOR BREAKF--VOMIT. VOMIT. VOMIT.
7/22/10- @ 1100 HST: FEEL LIKE DEATH. FML. STILL VOMITING. HEART FEELS OUT OF CONTROL. I'M PRETTY SURE I'M DYING.
7/22/10- @ 1130 HST: CALL KAISER. "PLEASE SAVE ME."
7/22/10- @ 1134 HST: CALL ERIK TO GET ME HELP
7/22/10- @ 1136 HST: CALL DADDY TO TELL HIM I THINK I'M DYING
7/22/10- @ 1215 HST: HELP (MAILE) ARRIVES TO TAKE ME TO KAISER.
7/22/10- @ 1300 HST: NURSE @ KAISER SAYS "WOW, YOU'RE REALLY DEHYDRATED. I'M GONNA SET YOU UP HERE ON AN IV AND I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING TO CALM YOUR STOMACH DOWN. DR COMES IN SHORTLY AFTER AND SAYS "NO NEED FOR AN IV. YOUR HEART RATE AND PULSE ARE OKAY, NOT GREAT, BUT OKAY. YOU'RE MILDLY DEHYDRATED BUT IF YOU START DRINKING WATER OR GATORADE IT SHOULD HELP YOU OUT TREMENDOUSLY." ME: "YEAH, I'D REALLY LIKE THAT, BUT I CAN'T STOP THROWING UP!" DR GIVES ME PRESCRIPTION TO STOP PUKING.
7/22/10- @ 1500 HST: FINALLY LEAVE KAISER. MAILE BRINGS ME HOME. I DRINK GATORADE AND IT STAYS DOWN.
7/22/10- @ 1800 HST: ERIK, WHILE IN CALIFORNIA, ORDERS ME A SLICE OF PIZZA, MOZZ STICKS & CHICKEN CAESAR SALAD. I EAT PIZZA AND MOZZ STICKS. WHILE WATCHING THE OFFICE AND FEEL INSTANTLY & TREMENDOUSLY BETTER.
7/23/10- @ 0900 HST: STILL SORE ON THE JAW FRONT. KINDA FEEL LIKE I HAVE AN EARACHE.
7/23/10- @ 0930 HST: BACK TO TAKING IBUPROFEN, JUST NOT ON AN EMPTY TUMMY.
7/24/10- @ 1030 HST: WOKE UP FEELING KINDA BLAH. BACK TO WORK TODAY.
7/24/10- @ 1300 HST: AT WORK, NOT FEELING SO HOT. SORT OF FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO PASS OUT.
7/24/10- @ 1500 HST: OK. I'M GOING TO PASS OUT. THIS SUCKS.
7/24/10- @ 1700 HST: ATE A TURKEY SANDWICH. I'M ALIVE AGAIN.
7/24/10- @ 2245 HST: HOME FROM WORK. EARACHE SETTING IN. HAVE A SORE THROAT. UGH. IBUPROFEN TIME.
7/16/10- @ 1400 HST: WISDOM TEETH REMOVED
7/16/10- @ 2000 HST: JAW STILL NUMB
7/17/10- @ 0900 HST: WAKE UP & GET READY FOR WORK/LOTS OF BLOOD IN MOUTH/CHANGE GAUZE
7/17/10- @ EACH HOUR --> CHANGE GAUZE. LIVING ON SOUP.
7/17/10- @ 2100 HST: PAINFUL, BUT NOT UNBEARABLE
7/18/10- @ 0900 HST: WAKE UP & GET READY FOR WORK/SMALL KINE BLOOD/CHANGE GAUZE
7/18/10- @ EVERY 4 HRS --> TYLENOL 500MG FOR PAIN.
7/19/10- @ 1000 HST: WAKE UP, FEELING NAUSEOUS.
7/19/10- @ 1600 HST: FEELING LIKE SHIT AT WORK. TYLENOL NO LONGER HELPING.
7/19/10- @ 1930 HST: LEAVE WORK EARLY MAHALOS TO KWANZA FOR CLOSING.
7/19/10- @ 2000 HST: I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN STABBED ON BOTH SIDES OF MY JAW/TIME TO TAKE THE VICODIN.
7/19/10- @ 2115 HST: BEGIN THE PUKE FEST!
7/19/10- @ 2245 HST: STILL PUKING WITH A 103* FEVER. CAN'T EVEN SIP ON WATER AT THIS POINT WITHOUT IT COMING UP. STARTING TO FEEL WEAK.
7/19/10- @ 2330 HST: LOTS OF PUKE AND TEARS.
7/20/10- @ 1230 HST: TIME FOR A TRIP TO THE ER THANKS TO LAU.
7/20/10- @ 0115 HST: NURSE IS COOL. HE LOOKS LIKE SOME B-LIST CELEBRITY WHOSE NAME I CANNOT REMEMBER. DR COMES IN WITH THE WORLD'S BIGGEST NEEDLE AND DEFINITELY TELLS ME TO "OPEN WIDE." AND I DEFINITELY RESPONDED "AS IF!" I ASKED HIM TO TELL ME WHAT THE NEEDLE WAS FOR AND WHAT WAS IN IT. DOC SAYS "LISTEN, I HAVE MORE SICK PEOPLE TO ATTEND TO SO IF YOU WANT TO STOP SUFFERING YOU'LL OPEN WIDE." THANKS FOR NUMBING MY WHOLE FACE WHEN ALL I REALLY NEEDED WAS AN IV TO PUMP SOME FLUIDS BACK INTO MY SYSTEM AND SOMETHING TO HELP STOP THE VOMITING AND FEVER.
7/20/10- @ 1300 HST: BACK AT DENTIST. HE CLEANS THE HOLES OUT. PRESCRIBES STRONGER MEDS.
7/20/10- @ 1430 HST: TOOK IBUPROFEN. FEELING A LOT BETTER. BEACH TIME WITH DOGGIE.
7/21/10- @ 0400 HST: STABBED IN THE JAW AGAIN. AFRAID TO TAKE PERCOCET JUST YET. 2 IBUPROFEN. PLS DRUG LORD, HELP.
7/21/10- @ 1000 HST: OK. A LITTLE BIT BETTER.
7/21/10- @ 1400 HST: FEELING WEAK AGAIN. HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO EAT MUCH. TRYING TO STAY HYDRATED.
7/21/10- @ 1900 HST: PAIN IS MORE UNBEARABLE THAN MONDAY NIGHT. TIME FOR THE PERC-ULATOR. (SLEPT LIKE A BABY)
7/22/10- @ 0600 HST: PAIN STARTING TO COME BACK...TAKE AN IBUPROFEN.
7/22/10- @ 0800 HST: WHAT'S FOR BREAKF--VOMIT. VOMIT. VOMIT.
7/22/10- @ 1100 HST: FEEL LIKE DEATH. FML. STILL VOMITING. HEART FEELS OUT OF CONTROL. I'M PRETTY SURE I'M DYING.
7/22/10- @ 1130 HST: CALL KAISER. "PLEASE SAVE ME."
7/22/10- @ 1134 HST: CALL ERIK TO GET ME HELP
7/22/10- @ 1136 HST: CALL DADDY TO TELL HIM I THINK I'M DYING
7/22/10- @ 1215 HST: HELP (MAILE) ARRIVES TO TAKE ME TO KAISER.
7/22/10- @ 1300 HST: NURSE @ KAISER SAYS "WOW, YOU'RE REALLY DEHYDRATED. I'M GONNA SET YOU UP HERE ON AN IV AND I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING TO CALM YOUR STOMACH DOWN. DR COMES IN SHORTLY AFTER AND SAYS "NO NEED FOR AN IV. YOUR HEART RATE AND PULSE ARE OKAY, NOT GREAT, BUT OKAY. YOU'RE MILDLY DEHYDRATED BUT IF YOU START DRINKING WATER OR GATORADE IT SHOULD HELP YOU OUT TREMENDOUSLY." ME: "YEAH, I'D REALLY LIKE THAT, BUT I CAN'T STOP THROWING UP!" DR GIVES ME PRESCRIPTION TO STOP PUKING.
7/22/10- @ 1500 HST: FINALLY LEAVE KAISER. MAILE BRINGS ME HOME. I DRINK GATORADE AND IT STAYS DOWN.
7/22/10- @ 1800 HST: ERIK, WHILE IN CALIFORNIA, ORDERS ME A SLICE OF PIZZA, MOZZ STICKS & CHICKEN CAESAR SALAD. I EAT PIZZA AND MOZZ STICKS. WHILE WATCHING THE OFFICE AND FEEL INSTANTLY & TREMENDOUSLY BETTER.
7/23/10- @ 0900 HST: STILL SORE ON THE JAW FRONT. KINDA FEEL LIKE I HAVE AN EARACHE.
7/23/10- @ 0930 HST: BACK TO TAKING IBUPROFEN, JUST NOT ON AN EMPTY TUMMY.
7/24/10- @ 1030 HST: WOKE UP FEELING KINDA BLAH. BACK TO WORK TODAY.
7/24/10- @ 1300 HST: AT WORK, NOT FEELING SO HOT. SORT OF FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO PASS OUT.
7/24/10- @ 1500 HST: OK. I'M GOING TO PASS OUT. THIS SUCKS.
7/24/10- @ 1700 HST: ATE A TURKEY SANDWICH. I'M ALIVE AGAIN.
7/24/10- @ 2245 HST: HOME FROM WORK. EARACHE SETTING IN. HAVE A SORE THROAT. UGH. IBUPROFEN TIME.
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