i don't shine if you don't shine

We left the hospital today. I didn't want to leave, but I didn't want to stay. For a little more than 24 hours it was just me and Liam. While I was still trying to contemplate the fact that I was a 'mommy' holding my brand new 'son' in my arms, it was just the two of us getting to know each other. I live with Nestor's family- his very Filipino family. We live with 9 other people! It's going to be really hard for me to go back to that with this little boy. All I want to do is have him spend all of his time with me. Then again, I haven't had a decent night of sleep in 9 months and I haven't actually slept at all in about five days. I guess it will be nice to have 9 extra people helping us out.


Since I first met Liam I haven't been able to take my eyes off of him, yet, I was still having trouble accepting the fact that I was his mommy. I didn't feel it and that scared me. I knew I loved him and I felt that love instantaneously, but the connection wasn't there yet. Regardless, the hospital was sending me off to reality with him...and trusting me at the same time! And then it happened... I was wheeled down to the front of the hospital where Nestor waited outside for valet to pull up our car. With baby in my arms, the automatic doors opened to the outside world- bright, noisy and INCREDIBLY windy! A huge gust of wind came entered the hospital as the doors opened and my instant reaction was to hug and cover Liam. I was protecting him from the wind as if it was going to eat him up. I became overly scared for him. I was instantly afraid of everything outside of those hospital doors. I wanted to go back up to room 308 and just stay put. Of course that wasn't an option.


The drive home was even scarier. You'd have though it was Nestor's first time driving from the way I kept yelling at him and telling him to slow down (he was only going 10mph at the time!). We made it home safe and sound. This little boy was ours and he was real. He's only a day old and he's loved oh so much. Jayden is Nestor's cousin which makes him Liam's second cousin. He'll be 2 years old in May. The moment Jayden realized the baby wasn't in my belly anymore and he laid his eyes on him was the most precious thing I've ever seen. He's so in love with Liam and it's just adorable. They'll be buddies forever.

you are my sunshine my only sunshine

My due date was February 13th, 2011...my dad's birthday. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but if I would have known beforehand how Liam's presence in the world would impact my dad, I would have had a scheduled delivery that very day.

However, I didn't go into labor until February 18th sometime during the night. I didn't realize I was in labor though because the pain was nothing that I had read about or had been described to me. You hear all these explanations of "tightness in the upper belly," but I had these sharp shooting pains in the very lower part of my belly. They came every ten minutes and then got closer and closer. These pains were so bad that I went to the hospital in the AM on 2/19. Dr. Neumann came in and checked me out & said I was only 1 CM dilated. I asked about being induced and he told me it was my choice, but he would rather me wait it out. The nurse had told me that all labor pains can be different, but she didn't think I was in active labor. I decided to listen to them and wait it out. I went home and it seemed as if the pains grew further apart- up until that night. These sharp shooters came back with a vengeance and they were here every 2-5 minutes. If this wasn't active labor something had to have been wrong with the baby. I was so scared, but Nestor (daddy) was sleeping soundly (not really; he was snoring!) on the bed next to me while I was quietly crying. I didn't want to overreact and go back to the hospital, but I also didn't want my little one to be suffering. I suffered all through the night until 5AM on 2/20 when I fell over from the pain. I told Nestor to call the hospital again and tell them it had gotten worst. The nurse told him to have me wait until my water broke. At 9AM I couldn't take it anymore and checked myself in at Maui Memorial Hospital. I was 2.5 CM dilated! Finally, the pain was actually doing something! At 12pm I had the epidural. I've wrecked myself for months about the long needle that comes with accepting the epidural, and honestly, it wasn't all that bad. It was actually amazing. I just felt pressure from that point on...no pain. At 2pm I was 4 CM dilated which is where I stayed until about 8pm. The DR wanted to do a c-section, but I had the nurse up my pitocin. By 11pm I was 9 CM dilated!! This was great news and I was so excited to just meet my new buddy.

It was a long wait, but my little dude had finally made his debut.


Liam Patrick Tapuro
Born 2/21/12 @ 1:23AM
7lbs, 11oz; 20.5 inches